A positive outcome

My name is Jessie, and not until recently did I realize how lucky I am to have been born in good old Massachusetts. Not only does insurance pay for in-vitro fertilization, but they have some of the best Dr’s and Medical Centers in the World. Please start saving for kids now though, if you choose the surrogacy route lawyer fees are extremely expensive, as well as the surrogate.

When I was 12 I was taken to Mass General Hospital for what was later diagnosed as Pneumonia. As soon as I got to the hospital a Foley catheter was inserted in my urethra and it was then that it was discovered that I had no vaginal opening. So when I was no longer dehydrated, and “out of it” I was taken for my first gyn exam. I remember as clear as day the nurse or whoever she was telling me that some girls are born with out a vagina. My response was “I’m glad I have one”. My bubble was burst when I was told I was in fact with out a vagina, cervix, and a uterus ( 6yrs later It was discovered I had 2 small non functioning uterus’s). Even at a young age I was devastated at the fact I would never be pregnant and give birth. From day one I wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world. I had lost my mother to a brain aneurysm at an early age and I so longed for the mother daughter relationship, me being the mother.  Never did I grieve for the loss of a vagina for that was obtainable; carrying my own child was not.

Even at the young age of 12 I had a high sex drive, and knew I was meant for sexual intercourse as well as alternative pleasures. Never did it enter my mind to not have surgery or attempt dilatation. It didn’t take long to realize dilators were not for me, I didn’t have the self discipline, or the privacy. Parents if you are reading this put a lock on your daughter’s door and give her privacy. Maybe set up a routine where she will be alone in the house, but def give her a lock on her door. My biggest fear was that someone would walk in on me. At the time I shared a room with my sister 10yrs younger, and a house with 2 older brothers, a dad, and a stepmother.

Surgery was my solution, my life savor, my source of great pleasure now. Dr. Laufer created a vagina for me from skin grafts from my buttocks. The summer of 95 before my senior year of college was when I had it done, I was 16. I laid on my back for 10 days, let me tell you the last few are not fun at all and you need all the family and distractions you can get!!! My family, friends, and first boyfriend were there by my side everyday, I will forever be thankful for that.  Prior to surgery I sat my boyfriend down and explained everything to him and he was very supportive. Through out this entire experience I never felt my femininity was in doubt, or that I was part male, or that I wouldn’t have a normal sex life.  I’m just someone who was born with out a vaginal opening, a uterus, and “lucky” to never get her period. I definitely don’t feel lucky for the amenorrhea, but its one positive thing in this situation.

I wrote my story because I wanted people to know that there are some positive lives that came from this genetic defect. I have a wonderful life, despite the fact I so want children and have to wait for financial reasons. I have been with my husband for 9yrs now, married 4. I am 27yrs old, he is 32,and we own a small but nice home in a great neighborhood. We have 2 dogs, 2 cats “our children for now” and up until nursing school a very active, pleasurable sex life.  Although there are other things to do besides have sexual intercourse it is preferably my source of pleasure. I don’t experience extra dryness, or excessive vaginal secretions. I have a “normal” sex life. My husband who is a little older than I am has slept with other women, and he has said he felt no difference. He doesn’t ever remember ejaculating inside another woman, but I bet that would be the one difference. Since the sperm can’t go up, it usually stays inside the vagina, or ends up on the shaft of his penis. This is really the only difference, and hey how many men can say they have a custom made vagina? I’ve had sex only a handful of times with a few other partners (they never knew and never said there was a difference). But my vagina is a custom mold of my husband’s penis; I guess we are custom made for one another…..

 please if you know you want to be married, or in a heterosexual relationship, or might want to one day use a strap on with your girlfriend, you should have surgery or use the dilators it’s just a small amount of time in a long life of happy, fun, enjoyable sex.